Internet Dating...Really?!

Okay, my kittens, the rapid growth of "internet dating sites" has recently come to my attention.

Why, oh why, can't people get the fuck out of their shell just go out and mingle? Is it really that hard to find someone locally? Um, no.

I've lived in the same town all my life. I'm not the most gorgeous girl in the world, nor am I the most outgoing/smart/talented or any combination of those traits.

However in the past 3 years I've managed to bag myself four men of ingenious quality.

How?

By not going online and actually exploring and looking at the menu.

That's how.

Women; not all men think your fat, not all men think you're stupid, not all men are utter asshats. So get off your asses and mingle.

Men; not all girls need you to be super buff and handsome for them to consider you, and you don't necessarily need to be uber successful either. Go for the homely girl, because she's more likely to treat you right than some skinny model you pick up cuz she's easy.

Now, time for a confessional.

I am guilty of dating online.

Shocking, I know, my pets.

It was unintentional and in no way did I want such a relationship to spawn... but it did.

It didn't last.

Big shocker there, eh folks?

Not really. Bottom line, internet dating sites have a 1 : 1,670 chance of working out. eHarmony, Match, Chemistry, PlentyofFish, they're all bullshit with their commercials. Those couples? Honey, they're fakers actors.

Get a grip. Dating sites are for losers. YOU my kittens, are not losers.

So go mingle, get spanked, and have a drink on the house.



So, I'm a Liar, and You're a Slut.

Well, my kittens, I must say that catching someone in a lie is rather funny.

However, when catching someone in a scandelous lie about their sex life...

That is hilarious.

Facebook is a wonderful way to keep in contact with your friends, it's an even better way to pry into their lives and dig out their dirty secrets. It's great decoding messages between your BFF and her man-friend.

*sighs and smirks*
I win.

So whilst chatting with said BFF, let's call her Minnie, I asked how her toy was, lets call him... Bub. Yes, Bub.

Minnie: He's good, I think.

Kat: You think?

Minnie: Well, yeah.

Kat: So, the sex isn't great?

Minnie: What?!

Kat: *smirking behind the computer screen* The "dull, boring, unenthusiastic, unpleasureful sex"

Minnie: We haven't had sex yet, Kat.

Kat: Did you tell that to your other three boyfriends too?

Minnie: You know I'm only with Bub.

Kat: *grinning* So... Caleb, Raul, and Eric... not playthings? I'll go ask.

Minnie: You're a liar, you better not spread that around.

Kat: I may be a liar, but you're a slut.

And still, we're BFFs. It's great, and I love teasing her about her... well... less than monogomous ways.

Just thought I'd share that lovely convo with you all, my kittens, since I haven't written in a while.

MEPS And the Military... I'm In.

So, after two excrutiatingly long days, I'm finally home.

Left for San Jose, CA Tuesday at noon, got to MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station) around 3 o'clock.

Then, I got to take a 3 hour long test called the ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery) test. That was stupidly irritating. I really don't understand the point of that damned test. The english part was easy, the math part reminded me of 8th grade, and the other parts had to do with computers, mechanical systems and schematics, and some part where you had to follow instructions on connecting various pieces labeled with letters... in your head.

Like, it had a box with random shapes and lines, each had a letter in a certain spot. You had to figure out what it would look like put together, and select the answer that matched the end result. It was frustrating as all hell.

Once that was done (I got a 67 out of 99...by the by) I got to wait another 2 hours with my recruit mates for the shuttle to our hotel.

Mind you, the hotel was nice, and my room mate was... strange to say the least. The food was decent. (Definitely not the best burger I've ever had in my life)

Anywho, had to be in bed by 10, then up at 3 AM. Yep, you heard me. Three in the fucking morning.

So, got up, ate nasty eggs and under-toasted toast, then got on the bus with the rest of the recruits back to MEPS for our medical processing.

This lovely part consisted of an Audio/Hearing Test, Sight/Depth Perception Test, blood testing (for HIV), urine testing (for drugs), a breathalyzer test, and a full physical.

Yep, got my lady parts poked and prodded as well.

At the end of the physical you get your height and weight (duh), and I just about had a nervous breakdown.

So, we all know I'm not in the best shape ever, and I found out I'm 10 lbs over the weight limit. (No, I won't tell you how much I weigh.)

They left me in the physician's room so they could go eat lunch. Assholes. I sat there for 20 minutes, stripped to my undergarments, and freezing. They were going to take my measurements and figure out my body fat percentage. (Had to be under 36% or I'd be disqualified.)

I cried. This Navy thing was the first time my dad EVER really said he was proud of me...(and meant it) I freaked out because, hell, if I didn't make it... what would he say? Was I just going to be the failure he'd always knew I was? Would he bring out his famous, "Have fun working at McDonald's." line?

However, this story has a, decently happy ending. I ended up being 33% body fat, which means I need to drop 10 lbs before my ship date... on March 22nd.

I'm leaving early, y'all. Wish me luck.

Superstition Always Gets the Best of Me

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This card.

This one.

Right here.

This one is scaring me shitless.

Why, you ask?

Well.

Let me give you it's meaning:

Failure to put plans into action. Striving for unattainable goals. Lack of communication between dreams and reality. Failure of a promising looking enterprise. Great plans that do not come to fruition. A retreat from reality into fantasy.

Are you fucking kidding me?

It's the DAY OF my meeting with my Navy recruiter (who will be joined by my father[ex-navy], and my lovely fiance). Is this some sort of bad omen that I shouldn't go?

Damn you facebook and your Tarot Card of the Day App!

Okay, breathe. (Not like I could go without doing that -_-;;)

Most likely I'm just being a superstitious cunt and I need to relax.

But... what if I'm not? What if this really is some sign for me not to even try?

Me? Not try? HA!

Okay, mini-rant is over. Ciao lovlies.



Ahoy, Sailor....ette?



So, my lovlies, your Alley Kat is more than likely going into the U.S. Navy.

Shocking, isn't it? Shocking to me too, considering I've never really wanted to be a military girl. However, current events are making me choose...

Either I go, get great benefits, great pay, pretty much a free house, I get to travel the world at the government's expense, I'd have a guaranteed job once I serve my term...

Or I don't go, end up (more than likely) not going to school, working at this same job that I despise so much, never really being able to get anywhere in life, I'd struggle...

Right now, military is looking pretty nice.

Before I make any real decisions, lets look at the pros and cons of going, shall we?

Pros:
     -great pay
(portion goes to me, other portion goes to my significant other)
     -great benefits
(for both of us once we get married)
     -basically free house once I serve my term
     -full retirement at 40 if I stay in service for 20 years
     -free travel, see the world at no cost to me
     -job/field training for almost guaranteed job once out of service
     -be able to provide a better life for my furture family

Cons:
     -be away from loved ones for multiple weeks/months at a time
     -good chance I won't be able to handle boot camp
(I don't like being yelled at, and I'm not in the best  shape)
     -no phone/internet at boot camp, which is 2 months long
(oh how will I survive?!)

     -significant other might...might...get so bored and lonely that he may look for attention else where

(oh god I hope not)

Honestly, thats all I can think of, and I think the pros list is outweighing the cons.

Big time.

Let me be straight... I'm scared shitless to leave, I don't want to leave... But... if going into the military means I can give myself, Devin, and Molly a better life and a brighter, more comfortable future, then fuck... Why not...?

They Were the Three Bears... I was Goldilocks.



Ever had that moment when you just KNOW something is going to go wrong? When the hairs on the back of your neck stand up for no apparent reason? Well, I've had plenty of those moments.

Moments where you feel like your being watched.
Moments when you can't sit still.
Moments when you realize that something isn't right.

Been there, done that.

Growing up I was always the odd one out, but though highschool, I became the one everyone knew, everyone liked, everyone came to for advice, for company, for a good laugh. I wasn't the outcast anymore, or so I thought.

Only after graduation did I realize that my "friends" were full of bullshit. That I was being used and taken advantage of by people who didn't give two rats' asses about me.

That moment when your fears, Happen.

When the people you held dear finally turn their backs on you and leave you to the wolves. It hurts, and leaves you paralyzed. Only when someone proves they care can the paralysis leave. Lucky for me, someone picked me back up out of the nothingness.

I know I'm not the most eloquent writer, nor do I really have that, "pull-you-in" type of writing, but I do know that I can write in a way, and about certain topics, that get to people.

Some of my posts are funny, I know, but many of them are much darker, much more emotional, much more down to earth. I'm not sure where I was going with this post, I guess its just random ramblings as I sit at work and bore myself, maybe its more, who knows?

Peace, Love, and Chicken Grease